Mentally Disturbed
by Angel-Hiragizawa32
Summary: Tomoyo Daidouji has been forced into a mental institute to face her inner demons. She meets an old friend who helps her through but things can go extremely wrong in a mental asylum. ExT
1. The Entrance Unknown

Disclaimer: I do not own Card Captor Sakura.

~*~

A/n: I do realise that it has been a long time since I wrote anything on fanfiction or even read anything from fanfiction. I have been far too busy with things and oh my good God, I swear, I will find time for everything that I want to. So, to all of you reviewers who know who I am or even remember who I am, my name is Angel-Hiragizawa32. I'd like to make a small shout out to KyteAura and Dana Daidouji! My two beautiful sisters who I have been sort of neglecting. This story goes out to you, I'm not sure how many chapters this would be but I'm sure to finish this one! This will be my first ExT, CCS written project of the year and I hope you all like it. 

~*~

Title: Mentally Disturbed

Ratings: R- due to some rather insanely disturbing chapters in the future.

Genre: Romance/ Angst

Summary: Tomoyo had always been known as the girl who is in control but one day, her world comes crumbling down when she stopped coping with life. She signed herself into a mental institute to try and sort herself out. There, she meets an old friend who helps her understand the inner problems that she is facing. Suddenly, the sane doesn't seem so sane anymore when things start going wrong. ExT.

~*~

_Tomoyo-chan! What's going on?_

_Daidouji-san, I believe we have a meeting later in the afternoon._

_Miss Daidouji, you have an appointment with a Mr. Thompson at __3pm__._

_Tomoyo-chan, are you alright?_

_Miss Daidouji, I'm afraid I have some bad news._

_Daidouji-san, your mother has just passed away._

_Here you go miss, a jug of beer._

_Miss, are you alright?_

_Tomoyo-chan, you should stop drinking._

_A double shot of vodka n lime, as you have ordered miss._

~*~__

My name is Tomoyo Daidouji. I'm 24 years old and I'm the CEO of the Daidouji Enterprise. I've got black shoulder length hair and dark amethyst eyes. I used to live a very happy life where everything I knew was in place. I had friends, I had family and best of all, I had a life to live for. I was always known as the organized one, the girl who had everything planned out to detail, the one who is always in control. I graduated with honours from University and I worked with for my mother, starting from the top and still at the top. I ended up taking over the company when she retired. I kept in contact with my best friend, Sakura Kinomoto who is now happily married to her childhood sweetheart, Syaoran Li. Almost every weekend; I'd see them and spend time with them at one point. Then, my schedule became more packed and my daily events started to change. I stopped seeing the people that I loved the most. I became busy with work and the Daidouji enterprise. I started traveling more often than any other corporate businessmen I know. I became a workaholic. To take away the stress, I turned to the one thing that could take it all away with just a sip or a gulp, alcohol. It went on for a while and the amount of alcohol that I took increased by the day. 

My mother passed away just a month ago. That was when my alcohol intake started rising. I grew depressed, no one could help me. The moment I heard the news from the doctor that my mother had passed away, I felt like there was no one else in this world to live for. Adding the fact that Sakura and Syaoran had left for Hong Kong permanently, there was no one else for me anymore. A small glass of wine turned into a bottle of vodka every night. My life became a mess. I stopped going to work and I gave myself leave for not being able to cope. Believe it or not, I gave myself 'stress leave'. 

~*~

I knew I needed help and I got help. I signed in to a mental institute to help sort my inner demons out. Who would have thought? Tomoyo Daidouji, sensible lass of the 21st century, signing herself into a mental asylum to get a 'reality check'. Alright, I lied. I did not technically sign myself in on my own free will. My doctors were the ones who forced me into it. They threatened to get in line with my lawyers to make sure that I get myself sorted or else, I will lose my company. I am not insane or am I mentally retarded. So what if I just drank lots of alcohol? Jesus, it's not like those things can kill you. Oh well, no use arguing with my doctors. After all, they do have control of my life in some screwed up ways. So, here I am standing in front of the main entrance to the Donovan Institute, Manchester. It was apparently the best 'mental asylum' in England. I didn't care what stupid crazy house it is called or how good it was, I just knew that I had to get in and get out as soon as I can. I took my first steps into the building and straight to the administration department where a rather elderly woman asked me what I wanted and who I was. 

"I'm Tomoyo Daidouji, I've been sent here by Doctor Yamasaki of St. Patrick's Hospital, New York".

She looked at her papers and picked on her files before checking with the computer. Then, she nodded her head and got back to me. 

"According to my data, you have been enrolled here for help, Miss Daidouji", she said, smiling.

I stared back into her eyes, demanding that she stop pointing out the obvious. 

"Oh sorry, where are my manners? My name is Jill, I'm the receptionist here. I'll be out there with you in a second", she said.

When she got out, I smiled at her, as though as I was grateful that she will bring me to wherever I was to go to. She carried my suitcase for me and took me walking into a long empty corridor before we turned left where we continued on walking to another corridor. It was a silent walk until she brought me into this odd looking room with dark doors. She opened the door and I was brought to meet Doctor Michelle Anthony. She was the head psychiatrist in the institute. She looked probably as young as I do. She was thin and she had long brown chestnut hair. She introduced herself to me and somehow, got me to sit down and talk to her. She waved off Jill, the receptionist and told her to tell a Kerri person to prepare a room for me. 

"Miss Daidouji, this is the first time I've ever gotten a patient specifically from Japan", she said.

"Well, this is my first time being in a mental institute. So don't worry, you're not the only one who feels awkward", I said, smiling sweetly. 

"Doctor Yamasaki had specifically told me that you are going through some problems with alcohol and depression due to your mother's death a month ago", she said, reading a piece of paper with my name on it, black n white.

"This I have already known, anything else that I don't' know about?" I asked.

"Miss Daidouji-"

Before she could continue, I held my hand up.

"Tomoyo, Miss Daidouji is a bit too formal since I'm going to be here for a while", I continued.

"Tomoyo, you are here so that we could help you get over your issues with alcohol and depression. We are not here to cause you even more stress, we are going to take that away from you so you can be a better person", Doctor Anthony said.

"Doctor Anthony, let me make something clear to you. You cannot take away stress from me. It is built in me and it is what I grew up with. Stress is nature to me. I can't be a better person if I already am a better person", I said, calmly.

"That is not true, Tomoyo and you know it. You drank so much that you went into a coma for 3 days!" she continued.

I looked straight into her eyes and laughed, bitterly.

"I didn't drink till I went into a coma. I took pills till I went into a coma. Get your facts straight, doctor", I answered.

Then, she picked up a pen and started writing on the paper with my name on it.

"You should know better than to take sleeping pills with Rum, Tomoyo. That proves to me that you are not a better person", she mentioned. 

"Are you a better person, Doctor Anthony? How do you define a better person?" I asked.

She paused for a while, took a deep breath, looked at me and continued writing.

"I'm putting you on trial for a week without medications, if things do not improve, I'll give you medication. You will be staying here for a month, Miss Daidouji and you will be released when I see that you are fit enough to be released", she continued, not answering my question.

I waited for her answer but it never came. Then, she picked up her call receiver and sent for someone to come and get me. 

"I shall see you tomorrow for a talk and you will be meeting your 2nd psychiatrist, Doctor Smith", she said, smiling at me.

I accepted her smile and sat there, staring into her green eyes, subconsciously taunting her intelligence of not knowing how to defend herself. I looked around her room. It had certificates hung up her wall and she had a fantastic view of the lake nearby. I started to wonder, what the hell am I doing here? I don't' need help. She knows just as much as I do that I'm perfectly healthy. We were in complete silence until someone knocked on her door and came in to get me. It was one of the nurses around, I'm assuming. Her badge said 'Emily' and she was probably 40. I couldn't help but notice how sickeningly 'pleasant' all these people looked. 

Emily took me walking around the place and introduced me to many other nurses as we walked past them. She showed me around and it was strange how there was no one outside on such a beautiful spring day. Finally, she took me to the 'other side' of the institute where all the other patients were at. That was when I realized that it was a co-ed institute. There were men and women, no, girls and boys younger than I am around there. When I walked pass them, they looked at me in the strangest way. They were all doing something or rather. Some were painting, some were watching movies, some were just looking strangely at me. Emily brought me to my room where I was acquainted to my room mate by the name of Alicia. 

"Alicia, this is Tomoyo. She is a new patient here. I hope you will help her fit in, Alicia", Emily, the nurse said.

Alicia looked no more than 18 years old to me. She had long black hair and the darkest blue eyes that I've ever seen in my life. She looked pleasant, slim and beautiful. She didn't seem like an 'insane' person to me. I start to wonder again, is this an insane asylum or is this a holiday home? When Emily left, Alicia introduced herself to me.

"Hey there, I'm Alicia", she said, taking her hand out.

That was when I noticed the multiple scratches on her wrist. They looked deep but not deep enough to have killed her, obviously. She sensed my awkwardness to her wrist and smiled.

"Some of us here have strange ways of coping with our 'mental illnesses. I'm here because of depression and because I'm obsessed with hurting myself. What are you here for?" she asked, as if it was a normal thing to ask.

It took me a while to recover from the shock before I answered her.

"Depression and alcoholism", I answered, trying to sound calm.

"It's alright to be 'mentally out of it' or 'insane' as most people would call it every once in a while. Everyone here is either really mad or just scraping the surface of being insane", she said, laughing bitterly.

I sat on the bed and looked around. It looked like a normal room to me. There was a dresser and 2 single beds. The windows however were a different story. It was barred and locked. Alicia continued to study me. 

"You're a rich girl, aren't you? Tired of the world being too perfect, I'm assuming. Did your parents pushed you too hard to perfection that you finally snapped or is it an aftermath affect?" she started assuming. 

I was getting slightly agitated with this girl. 

"No, my mother died a month ago and I've never known my father. Yes, I am a rich girl, as you would like to call it", I answered.

She smiled and took my hand to check if I had any scratches on my wrists.

"You look too perfect to me, Tomoyo. You've got the perfect hair, skin, nails, looks and air but there is something strangely odd about you that makes you just as insane as I am", she said.

I was confused. 

"Are you insane, Alicia?" I asked.

Then, she went to her side of the room and picked up a piece of paper and a pencil. She looked at me straight in the eye and scribbled something. That was when I realized that she drew a circle, not just any circle. She drew a perfect circle. 

"They say that if you can draw a perfect circle, you are insane", she said.

She handed me the pencil and made me draw a circle. I took the pencil and drew one. I gasped, looking at what I have just drawn. 

"Welcome to the Donovan Institute, Tomoyo", she said, smiling.

Good God, am I really insane? Damn, there is no alcohol here.

~*~

I got some sleep for the night but I spent most of it, getting to know Alicia. I was right, she was 18. She shared a great deal with me about how long she has been in this institute. It was quite ironic how it turns out that she was American and she was sent here by her 'rich corporate parents' to 'get better' for Harvard. She was the rich girl in school that everyone loved and wanted to be like. She had everything that could get her anyway but getting everything was what that made her depressed. Her parents were hardly at home and when they were, they expected so much from her. When she stopped coping and attempted suicide more than 3 times and did not die, her parents sent her to Donovan. Alicia has been here for 6 months and she told me that being here was better than being at home. She woke me up to take me for a 'friendly tour' of the people and the place that we were supposed to be in. We went walking around different corridors and she took me outside to the gardens where we met up with a lot of people, all odd in their own different ways.

"People! I want you guys to meet my room mate, Tomoyo", Alicia shouted out.

Within seconds, they all crowded us. 

"Tomoyo, this is Dave the Fag, Bernice the druggie, Kelly the suicidal, Ben the evil and Jake the angst", she said.

She continued to introduce me to the rest but my attention was stolen by a guy who was painting at the far corner. He had dark navy blue hair and he was tall. He had rather fair skin as well and to me, he was awfully familiar. When Alicia finished introducing me to the people around, I asked her about the guy who was painting. 

"Alicia, who is that?" I asked, pointing at the painter.

Alicia looked and suddenly, her face became relatively pale.

"Uh, that's erm, Eriol. No one goes near him because he's just the really weird one out of all of us. He is always on his own, quiet and always painting. For some reason, he always talks to himself and paints this lady with red hair. I heard from the nurses that it was cause he lost his girlfriend or wife to an accident or something and he was the one driving. He's been here for quite some time, 4 years I think", Alicia said.

"He is always with Gwen", Dave said.

"Who's Gwen?" I asked.

They all turned pale. 

"Gwen is the nurse who looks after Eriol. She personally looks after him and is paid a high sum of money to as well. She's not what I would say a 'good nurse' would be. She is really overprotective of Eriol and she is always touching him or doing something with him that no nurse should be doing with patients", Kelly said, in a small and timid voice.

I looked at the painter again and I saw his painting. The painting and the painter was familiar to me, even the name was familiar to me but I just couldn't figure out who it was. Then, everyone around me started to hiss which made me feel quite strange.

"Speak of the devil", Alicia said.

I turned and saw an auburn haired nurse who had a really voluptuous body walking towards the painter. For some reason, I had a real bad feeling about her. I watched as she started to put her arms around the painter and whispering into his ear. I was a bit taken back to see a professional nurse acting the way she did to this guy, man, boy, whatever he was. 

"She never lets any of us girls talk to him as if we would want to! Humph, she's such a whore of a bitch", Bernice said, puffing on her cigarette. 

"Oh for fuck's sake people, what is up with your asses if she's giving him pleasure? Fuck, I wouldn't mind having some of that ass either", Jake said, angrily.

For some reason, I started laughing and it created some sort of a chain reaction because at the end of it, everyone but Jake was laughing and he wasn't really pleased about that. He started swearing at me for laughing at him when he is talking sense. That sort of made me laugh even more but eventually, I stopped and apologized. Jake was too angry to even accept my apology, he swore even more and walked off to a tree and started to punch it. 

"As you can see, that is why we call him Jake the angst", Alicia said.

"Come on, let's get some breakfast", Kelly said.

They walked in and pulled me with them. I looked again at the painter who somehow still seemed really familiar to me and watched as the nurse had her way with him. I felt disgusted and sorry for the painter. Then, he turned around and looked at me. I saw his eyes and somehow, it was like something just hit me. I knew who he was. It was as though as he sent something to me. I could have sworn that I saw a strange blue bolt coming towards me. I knew who he was. The painter who was in the same institute that I was in was none other than the boy who appeared mysteriously in Tomoeda when I was 11. Then, it hit me who his girlfriend was in the accident. I stood there, staring back into the eyes of the painter.

_Hello Daidouji-san, nice to see you again._

I gasped, hearing his voice in my head. He knew who I was.

_I will come and talk to you after lunch, meet me here._

I nodded my head and turned around, walking towards the dining hall. He was still the sorcerer that he was if he had spoken to me telepathically. Either that or I'm really losing it here in this mental Asylum. I can't believe it, what a small world this is. Eriol Hiragizawa is here as a patient as well. Who would have thought that I would be here? Even more, who would have thought that Eriol would be here too?

*to be continued*

A/n: Man, this is weird, even for me. I hope you like what you have read so far and oh gosh, if you hated it, please do not flame me. I'm just experimenting. This story is going to get weirder, trust me. I think it has been done in some odd way but I'm taking it into a really dark and deep road. This story is going to be quite angst as it goes and you guys are going to find out a lot of ODD things in here. ^_^ Until next time! 


	2. The Findings of Souls

Disclaimer: I do not own Card Captor Sakura.

It has been a week since I've been in Donovan's Institute. My very first day that I spent here was rather interesting to say the least. I got to meet the other patients here and somehow, I began to form a real close bond with Alicia and Megan, another patient who was in the institute because she could never figure out what was wrong with her. Despite the bitter irony of it all, I find myself so in tuned with all of them. Most of all, I found myself wanting to know more about why a specific 'someone' was in here for all the wrong reasons. I wanted to know so much about everyone else here that I forgot the real reason I was in here. Doctor Anthony said I was in the state of 'denial' where everything that is presented to me would be brushed off as impossible and ridiculous. I'm beginning to believe her.

For the past week, I've been joining the group of people in an exercise called 'speak, release and relax'. This was where a group of patients of about probably 8 of us are taken to a specific spot in the institute and we are to express ourselves one at a time. On the first day, no one spoke. Everyone refused to admit to themselves who they were and why they were the way they are. The person in charge of us was Abigail, a nurse who was about three times my age. She began to break the ice by telling us about herself. It was strange how that worked. Maybe it is all in the psychology? I don't really know why I did it, but on the second day, I spilt my guts out to a group of strangers who was there for the sake of being there. The feeling of not being judged or patronized or aggravated was absolutely relieving. By the end of the week, the eight of us were like family.

Ben, Jake, Alicia, Dave, Kelly, Bernice, Megan, and I shared a specific thing in common; we are all here because we needed help. Ben was sent here about 3 months ago because he kept seeing people that he shouldn't be seeing and he still sees them but he isn't really bothered with them anymore although every now and then, they would come to hurt him and that is when he turns 'evil'. For the past week that I've known Ben, he is nothing but the cutest teenager that I have ever met in my life. Jake the angst as he is known around the block is like his name, always having an anger management problem. Despite his constant angriness, he can be a pretty fascinating person to talk to every now and then.

Alicia had a different story, a far deeper story into her being in the institute. She was the only daughter of an extremely rich pair of parents who were extremely successful in their business. Her parents wanted her to be someone that she could never be and when she started to experiment with normal teenage rebellion, her parents sent her to therapy. What they didn't know was that, she became even more depressed as she saw her therapist and started a new interest, self mutilation. When her parents found out, they sent her here, to Donovan. Dave was a homosexual who was obsessed about sexual fantasies. He was a very flamboyant person and very sexually active at that. Bernice was probably the youngest amongst all of us. She was a 16 year old girl who had lost her first boyfriend to a fire back in her hometown. She was never able to pick herself up ever since he died. Her parents who obviously were rich sent her here to get her fixed up.

Megan was somewhat like me in a lot of ways. We both laugh at tragedies, what bitter people we are indeed. She signed herself in because she needed help and she needed what we both call a 'reality check up'. She was a bitch in a lot of ways. She was constantly picking up insanity and throwing it back to the faces of those who claim they were 'sane' specifically the nurses, the helpers, the caregivers and of course, the doctors. Now that she was signed in, she couldn't get out unless she was 'certified' as 'healthy' enough to get back into the 'real world'. Technically speaking, she was questioning insanity and sanity in the same book. Like me, we are just trying to get back to where we were beforehand.

As for me, I'm an alcoholic and I'm a chronic depressed freak if I can say it more bluntly, I would say, I am a big fucking mess, pardon my French. I admit to my insanity now but oh well, I don't care who or what wants to do with me. I am in a mental asylum, a so called 'getting help center'. My ignorance and my unwillingness to accept the fact that I do need help is the one that will contradict my life till no ends, am I confusing or what? Get over it, I don't care anymore. Nonetheless, the week has been slightly fascinating. It almost made me forget about my extremely brief talk with an old friend who was here. Eriol Hiiragizawa was probably the last person that I will ever expect to see in a 'crack house'. How is it possible that such a calm, cool and sane person be in here? Alright, maybe the question would apply to me but that's not the point. He was pretty much exactly as he was the last I saw him which was about a long time ago, probably when I was 12 years old or something. His features were probably the same, just a bit mature. He was warm and friendly and he was still the 'English Gentleman' that he was back then. His constant smile was still there but there was something missing in him. I saw it the moment I saw him painting. It was the sparkle that was in his eyes, the same one that brought smiles to many people, that was no longer there.

"Daidouji-san, what a lovely surprise?" he greeted, kissing the knuckles on my right hand.

I smiled and grinned at him.

"Lovely wouldn't be the word that I would use, Hiiragizawa-kun. I would say the word 'shocking' would be more appropriate", I said.

He smiled at me. His dark navy blue eyes seem to twinkle every now and then but the sparkle was not there.

"What brings you to Donovan's?" he asked.

"Alcohol and depression is probably the worst stress medicine to ever be created in this world", I answered.

"I'm appalled! Is this the same Tomoyo Daidouji that was the perfect model student in Tomoeda that I knew?" he asked, shocked.

I turned away from him and looked at the scenery around the institute. The moment I saw the lake, I sighed.

"People change, Hiiragizawa-kun. We all have to grow up, eventually", I said, looking back into his eyes, searching for what I wanted to know.

He sensed my curiosity.

"I sense a question, ask away", he said.

I blushed, forgetting the fact that he was still a sorcerer and he had many hidden secrets.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"I-"

"Eriol!"

Someone had interrupted before he could answer. We both turned our heads, looking at the person who interrupted us. It was Gwen, the redhead nurse. When she saw me, her expressions turned relatively sour. I sensed a strange vibe from this woman; it was an odd vibe, the kind of gut feeling that you usually feel when someone that wasn't meant to be there or someone that you know is going to do something evil. Eriol immediately turned silent. Now, that was even odder. His expressions turned cold, it was as though as Gwen had reminded him of something that he had not wanted to remember.

"Eriol, it is time for your medication", Gwen said, almost purring.

Her hand seemed to find her way towards his chest and she had the most flirtatious posture I have ever seen. I have actually never seen a 'nurse' act the way she did towards Eriol. Something was strange about this picture, I did not like it one bit. How is it possible that she could even be a nurse and still be here with the way she acts? Before I could say anything, she dragged Eriol into the medication hall. I was left out side, looking like an idiot, not that I am not one already.

"Tomoyo!" Someone called.

It was Alicia.

"Why are you out here?" she asked.

"I just wanted to get some air", I answered.

"Liar", she said, straight out.

"I'm not", challenging her.

"Don't lie, I saw you and him", she said, rolling her eyes.

We both began to walk into the hall together. She began to study the way I was moving and reacting with things.

"You know the guy", she said.

"What if I do? What if I don't?" I asked, pretending to not know what she was talking about.

Alicia smiled and let it go, sensing that I do not want to tell her anymore but that didn't stop her from being weird. She seems to know everything around here. It was as though as she had ESP or something. I cannot explain it but she seems to have everything spot on. She seems to know what kind of a personality a person would have by just looking at them.

"So tell me, what do you know about that nurse, Gwen?" I asked.

She looked at me and laughed.

Alicia seemed to have noticed my curiosity for the nurse as I kept looking at the nurse whenever she walked passed or whenever she was with Eriol. News started to circulate around within my mentally ill group. Like little pre-schoolers, they made the whole 'Tomoyo and Eriol sitting on a tree' thing which I pray has not gotten to the ears of Eriol for he will never let me live it down. Another thing that I notice is that, Eriol is never around us at all or anyone else for that matter besides Gwen. Why is that? It doesn't make sense. Throughout the whole 2 weeks, I've been talking to Doctor Smith and Doctor Anthony. They were both assessing my behavior in the institute to see if I needed any medication. Compared to some of the patients here, I can say that I am clearly quite sane. They asked me strange questions which I did answer in some odd way. For instance, they kept asking about the people that I socialize with and how they respond to me.

"How do you like your assigned social group?"

"Personally, I think they are nice. Odd in some ways but extremely in tuned with reality".

"Out of ten, what would you rate Alicia?"

"I'll give her a 9. She's actually quite normal; I don't understand what she's doing here".

"Is there someone or something that you feel doesn't fit the picture here at Donovan's?"

"Yes".

"Who?"

"Me".

After that, they decided that I need to be on medication. I feel that even if I am not insane, they would have made me insane. Damn scoundrels, I'll get them one day. Sue the shit out of them and tell them to shove the medications up their asses. I'm sure most of my 'social group' wouldn't mind helping me with that. I don't mind my stay here much but it's the fact that I am not sure what I am doing in here that is killing me. Quite often at night, I tend to hear screaming or wailing patients from other blocks. It is quite haunting in the sense that the shrill voice of whoever it is seem to be in a great deal of pain. I want to look out but I was never brave enough to do so. I laugh at myself, at my stupidity, at my coward ness, at myself. I couldn't help but be curious on who it was.

The week after was basically a 'know your self individually' session. I spent almost 8 hours on my own in a designated space to do whatever I please. Guess what did I spent it on? I went back to something that I haven't done in an awfully long time, art. I got my fingers messy with paint and I got my fingers touching charcoal for sketching. Somehow, everything that I made was off something really dark. I drew a raven the other day with a knife on its beak. I feel evil. Every time I drew something, it reminded me of a certain event in the past. Then, I would start thinking about Gwen, the nurse. Something about her isn't right. Something that I couldn't put my finger on. She reminded me of Kaho Mizuki. She had the same features and the same odd behavior but she had some different 'touches' as well. I wonder how Eriol really feels about that woman.

"You should stop thinking about the nurse and that odd man", a voice interrupted my thoughts.

I turned around and I was expecting Alicia but I was wrong, it was Megan. I was about to say something when she said it for me.

"You thought I was Alicia?" she asked, smiling.

"Is it me or does everyone here seem to be good at reading minds?" I asked, bewildered.

She smiled, warmly taking the question as a joke.

"You will one day know the trick of it. Technically, it's not very hard to read a person's thoughts. You analyze the posture, the events and the expressions. When you have been here as long as I have, you'll know your way around people's minds. They teach you how to read a person here in Donovan's", she said.

I sighed.

"I'm not sure if I'm able to cope with myself here at Donovan's. I don't see the point of being here. I'm fine the way I am", I said, defeated.

Megan laughed, bitterly at my words. I felt stupid.

"It's not about seeing the point. It's about accepting yourself for the situation you are in. If your doctors are serious enough to send you here, obviously something is not right. Don't lie to yourself, girl", she said.

"Have you accepted yourself for the situation that you are in?" I asked.

"If I have, I wouldn't be here", she said, still smiling.

It's been weeks since I have felt anything at all. I wonder if my sanity is slowly passing away. Then again, being in an insane asylum does not really help stimulate the mind. Being around all these so called 'mentally ill' people is strangely cold, warm and somehow indifferent. Everyone had their own inner demons to deal with. I know what's wrong with me but I can't bring it out of myself. I am an alcoholic and I am not in tune with my world. What else do they want from me? Do they want me to bleed? Do they want me to really push myself and go insane? Fuck this shit, I want alcohol. Someone better sneak me champagne or a Bloody Mary cause I'm not turning into a demon unless you give me my sins.

This week was 'alone time' week where all the patients are sent to a designated area to do 'inner demon conflicts'. It's so fucking stupid that they send people to do this on their own. Not that it's helping me in any fucking way. Pardon my French, by the way. I was sent to the lakeside. I am alone, staring out the lake where I can see nothing but my own reflection mocking me. What is the point of this? I was getting aggravated. I feel anger pissing out of me. I don't know where this is from but if someone don't come and get me, I swear I will drown myself in this ridiculous lake in front of me. I looked around, no one. Ok that is definitely it. I feel like I'm being suffocated by insanity. The mental side of me is definitely starting to show. Why the fuck is my reflection looking like that? Why am I not out there in the real world? What is the real world? I can't find any answers. I want my questions answered. Someone answer my fucking questions! LET ME OUT OF HERE! Someone get me out of here! I don't want to be in here anymore.

"It's not about forcing yourself to admit it. It's about letting it out on it's own time", a familiar voice called out.

I turned around. Sapphire met amethyst. There he is, again. So calm, so tranquil and so infuriating. How can he be so calm?

"Stop reading my mind, Hiragizawa-kun. I do not wish to have my privacy to be breeched. It's bad enough that everyone in this nuthouse does", I snapped.

"They mean well, don't they?" he answered.

"Why don't you tell me, Hiragizawa? Since you seem to know so much. Tell me what the fuck am I doing here and tell me, why are you here?!" I yelled.

It felt like everything just wanted to be shouted out. I just wanted to release my anger out. I wanted to get out of this place. I didn't want to be there. I wanted out.

"Breathe Tomoyo, breathe", he said, gathering me in his arms.

I felt his arms encircling me, holding me. I didn't want his pity, I didn't want his sympathy.

"Let me go! Let me GO!" I shouted, struggling to get out of his arms.

"Breathe Tomoyo", he said, locking me in his arms.

"I am fucking breathing, LET ME GO!" I yelled again.

Still, he wouldn't. I felt suffocated. I felt trapped and the next thing I knew, my world went black.

_The world seems just like an empty void._

_Silent… Silent…_

_Dark… Lonely…_

_I can't breathe…_

to be continued


	3. The kind that intrigues the soul

Disclaimer: I do not own Card Captor Sakura.

A/n: Hello everyone, I know it's been a long time since I've written anything. I've got free time now so I'm going to try and get the stories rolling especially my Harry Potter ones, the reviewers are not getting any happier so I better write something. Lol, anyway I figured that it is time to update this one. The quality of this chapter is probably not too good but it will improve! I promise. The thing is that the idea that surrounds this story is so out there that it's quite hard to grasp. So, I hope this will get a bit of your attention. Enjoy the story and thank you for reviewing.

**A Special Dedication to my dearly beloved ****Turkey**** who's been ushering me to continue my writings. Thanks for being there, darling. **

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88488

I woke up and saw nothing but white walls. There was a window but it had bars on it, a direct insult to my existence. As if I would ever climb out a window to escape this mess which I have paid for. Ridiculous capitalistic institutions! I could not remember how I got here in the first place. All that I remember was Hiragizawa-kun talking to me. Just as I was about to recall more, a nurse came into the room.

"Miss Daidouji, I'm glad to see that you are awake. You gave us quite a scare", she said.

"How long was I unconscious for?" I asked.

"Approximately 4 days", she answered.

Four days? I've been unconscious for four days? Over what? That's absurd. The nurse continued to check my temperature, listen to my heartbeat and checked my blood pressure. She looked up at her clipboard and wrote some stuff on it while I watched her with my accusatory eyes. She did not notice my nasty attitude towards her. Perhaps all nurses are tolerant and patient people that would explain why most end up fat and chirpy. She looked about my age and looked relatively beautiful. My question is, why one earth would she want to be here? She has got so much to offer. Why would one waste her life in a loony bin?

"Miss Daidouji, I think you should be fit enough to be back in your own room by this evening", she told me, smiling before leaving the room.

"Thank you", I replied, turning to the barred window.

I felt trapped like a bird in a cage, looking and waiting for release. Birds belong in the skies as I belong in the world outside of this self containing unit which is in need of serious extreme interior makeover. How does the color white help any patient? Everything we have here is white. What does that symbolize? If it says purity and calmness, I doubt that they know what they are talking about. But then again, it's just my opinion. The opinions of a god damn 'alcoholic'.

_Help me… Somebody…_

What was that? Who was that? I looked around my 15 by 15 room and there was no one there. I got off the bed and followed the voice that I heard and went straight to the wall in front of me.

_Help me…_

The voice was so eerie. Whoever it was must be in either fear or pain or lots of painkillers. It was definitely a voice of a girl. No ma can shriek or wails like a banshee as well as a girl. The voice continued to wail, seeking help. I went to the door to my room and turned the knob. It was locked. I went back to the part where I heard her loud and clear. Then, her wailings stopped and an eerie silence followed it just before I heard her scream. I heard footsteps. The nurses must have been running in to help her. I placed my ear to the wall, hoping that it was thin enough for me to know what is going on.

"This is the third time this week", someone said.

"We have to separate her from the others. Take her to the North Wing", another someone said.

The North Wing? I don't recall any buildings or extensions that were North. I wonder if anyone else knew about the North Wing.

_Help me… Tomoyo…_

I felt a breath on my neck. My whole body froze. Something was breathing on my neck! I slowly turned around; fearing what I would see but when I turned nothing was there. How was that possible? I heard the voice and I felt the warm breath on my neck.

Am I really going insane?

I found myself sitting, facing a corner and rocking back and forth. I was afraid. I know that I heard the voice and I know that something or someone was here before. Someone needed help. Whoever it was must have tried to get me to help her. She said my name, didn't she?

88488

Just like the nurse has said, I returned to my room by evening of the same day. Alicia and the others came to see me. They gave me a very supportive group hug. Jake the angst made me a 'welcome back' card with black paper and red ink. It had glitter all over it. I have the softie a big hug; Ben gave me one of his teddy bears saying that it would be my guide in Donovan's. They were all so nice.

"We saw what happened. You just popped when that Eriol turned up. Then, you collapsed and he carried you inside", Megan explained.

I sat on my bed, trying to recall what had happened.

"How's he doing?" I asked.

They all looked at each other, shrugging.

"Nurse Gwen hid him from the group. Alicia suspects that she had probably drugged him and used him for her own sexual appetite", Jake said.

They all laughed.

"They may have taken him to the North Wing", Alicia said.

Everyone froze then cringed at the place mentioned.

"The North Wing?" I asked.

"It is where the severely insane are held. Those who are traumatized and high dangerous are placed there. It's like High School; you don't want to go there. Just three days ago, a girl was admitted in because she was traumatized by rape. They sent her there, straight", Ben said.

Could she be the one that I heard screaming? Interesting. They all looked at me, strangely.

"You know something, don't you?" Jake asked.

I was about to open my mouth and tell them everything that I knew but I decided against it. Perhaps I was just going insane, I didn't need to give the institute another damn reason to increase my drug dosage or isolate me from the others for causing unnecessary difficulties. The whole group looked at me, waiting for me to answer just like a group of predators waiting for the prey to make a move.

"Come on Tomoyo, you can tell us", Megan said.

I looked at Alicia who was the only one who did not force me to answer them.

"Guys, leave her alone. You're going to give her either a heart attack or epilepsy if you don't stop it. Besides, she needs to rest", Alicia said, shooing everyone out of the room.

Everyone left in discontent. Alicia continued about with herself.

"You heard voices, didn't you?" Alicia asked, in a quiet voice.

My heart skipped a beat. How could she have known? What does she know? About a million questions ran through my head at that moment. Why it is that everyone speaks of the North Wing as if it was a torture chamber? Was it some sort of a 'House of Pain'?

"The isolated rooms are near the North Wing cells where the ones who need personal care are placed. I've been there a lot. I would know", she said, a sense of comfort in her voice.

"What do they do in there that scares people so much?" I asked.

She turned around to me, looking serious. There was a hint of fear in her eyes. The kind that you see in a child when they are afraid of those which are unknown.

"You know how movies portray mental institutes? Padded walls and electric machinery for shocks and the works? That's what is in there. Your friend Eriol was in there for a while before he joined us", Alicia said.

I sat there in shock. Eriol? He was in there? Why?

"Do you know why?" I asked.

"No, I don't but whatever that placed him in there must have shocked him enough to cause a traumatic experience. Only the extremely extreme cases are placed there. Your friend, Eriol must have gone through hell at one point", Alicia answered.

My mind started turning again with question of curiosity. I became more intrigued by the moment. Come to think of it, he never answered my question to why he was in here. That and who was that girl who cried for my help? The next thing I knew, the lights went off and my eyes closed as I drifted to the land of nods.

88488

_Tomoyo… Help me… You know where I am… Help me…_

The voice came back to me. The girl who cried out to me. I heard her voice again. My eyes snapped open and that was when the strangest thing happened. My body started to movie on its own. I got out of my room and went through different corridors that I have never been to. Then, I came to a sign which said 'North Wing'. My path was blocked by an alarm key control pad which needed access codes before I could enter in. My hand reached out to the buttons and the numbers were keyed in. The door opened, luring me in. My mind was scared but my body was not corresponding with my head. My legs brought me to room 344. My hands reached the door knob and I slowly entered the room.

In the corner of the room was a girl, tied to her bed. She looked no older than 17. She could not move but her eyes did all her talking for her. I could see the bruises on her face and her bloodshot eyes was piercing through me as it they begged for me to help her. That was when my body just fell back to my control. I gently caressed her bruised face for assurance.

_Tomoyo… You must help me… I am afraid that they will come for me…_

"Don't worry, Annette. I'm here for you", I said.

88488

I was not quite sure if the other night was real or if it was just a dream because I woke up in my bed and Alicia didn't seem to have known if I had left the room. It was just odd. I had my counseling sessions with the doctors and I lied throughout the whole thing, telling them one thing when it was another. They decided that they will give me another month and if by the end of the month I was fine, I'll be released and stamped 'healthy'. I didn't see Eriol at all and I was wondering where he was and if he was alright. That was when he came into my mind.

**_Thinking of me?_**

I heard his voice in my head. It was one thing that I cannot stand, that would be people who cannot understand the concept of privacy.

**_My most humble apologies, Daidouji-san. This is the only way that I can communicate with you._**

_How come?_

**_I'm in an isolated chamber. The doctors thought that I was causing problems for you._**

_I'm sorry; I didn't know that this would have happened. I'll talk to them immediately to release you. _

**_Don't worry about it, Daidouji-san._**

_Hiragizawa-kun, may I ask you a personal question?_

**_What is it?_**

_Why are you here in Donovan's?_

**_The Donovan Institute cares for many different kinds of mentally challenged patients. Some are here for no reason at all such as people like yourself and some of us are here because our minds and thoughts are not on the same track. The rest of us are insane psychopaths and traumatized mice. _**

_Which one are you?_

**_I'm not too sure, that is why I'm here to figure that out._**

_What happened to you?_

**_That's the strange thing. I do not actually remember how I got here but from what the doctors have told me, I'm here because I'm mentally devastated by the death of my lover, Kaho Mizuki. A benefactor by the name of Victor Harrison sent me here to cure me of my mental disorders._**

_Victor Harrison? He sounds very familiar, Hiragizawa-kun. Is he of any relation to you?_

**_Of course not, I'm magically born. I have no family or relatives at all. I don't even recall who this Victor person is._**

_Is Gwen paid by him too?_

**_Yes and I think she's been drugging me. Every time she sees me and feeds me, I go weak after that and I blank out._**

_Are you sure it's not just because of your lust for her? I mean, she's a very busty and curvaceous woman. It could be that you're weak because of your e sexual urges. _

**_You sound jealous, Daidouji-san._**

_I beg your pardon! I am certainly not jealous of your red headed slut of a nurse! Why should I be? I have better assets than hers but I don't show them to lure helplessly mentally ill patients!_

**_Calm down, Daidouji-san. I was only joking. Besides, I dare not insult your heavenly assets for I fear your wrath. Again, I apologize for my rudeness. _**

I couldn't help but blush at his comments. The nerve wrecking part of all this was that he knew how I felt and how I reacted. There was no way that I could escape him while he's in my mind. It was horrifyingly mortifying!

"Tomoyo, are you alright? You look a little flushed?" Alicia asked.

I shook my head and smiled.

"I'm fine, it's just a little stuffy in here", I said, smiling.

_Hiragizawa-kun, are you still there?_

**_Yes, I am._**

_Do you know anything about the North Wing?_

**_Considering that I've been isolated there right at this very moment, I would say yes._**

_You love your sarcasm, don't you, Hiragizawa-kun?_

**_When you've been here as long as I have, sarcasm is the only tool that you have to protect you._**

_Ever heard that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit?_

**_I'm in a mental asylum. How much wit do you think I have?_**

_Point taken. Are you always like this?_

**_Like what? Some sort of a psychotic idiot rambling? I'll have to say no, but I can be if I want to. It depends on how much drugs are in me at one time. Oh shit, Nurse Gwen is here. _**

_Hiragizawa-kun, what's wrong?_

**_Medication. Gwen injects this weird stuff that gets me really weak. I'm not sure if she is supposed to._**

_Hiragizawa-kun, medication time is after meal times and it's 3pm. She is definitely not supposed to inject you with anything._

That was the last that I heard of him. His presence wasn't there anymore. I think he may have been right. Nurse Gwen was drugging him but why? I'm going to find out why and why does the name Victor Harrison sound so familiar? So many questions and so little answers. That girl in my dreams, Annette. How did she get to me and how did I get to her?

88488

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A/n: That's the end of this chapter. Tune in for more. Thank you so much for the support. I love you all! Review! 


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